Muslim women reaching out to help promote peace and understanding amongst all people. Our world is in desperate need of compassion, justice, and tolerance. It is up to all of us, to better educate ourselves and others, about the many issues regarding Muslims, especially women, that are greatly misunderstood and becoming increasingly polarized. Only after we learn to understand and respect one another, can we all live together in peace (God willing).
Kafka Comes To America is an excellent book about an Oregon lawyer's experiences defending Brandon Mayfield, who was wrongly arrested and accused of being involved in the Madrid Train Bombings and prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.
http://www.otherpress.com/bookpage.php?bkID=540
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 4:01 AM
7 comments
Its easy to get caught up in the politics of our times. Injustice, oppression, biased news, intolerance, war, hatred, and fear. Every so often something happens though, that reminds me of the goodness within humanity. The positive radiant energy that results from a single good person striving for peace, justice, and tolerance in this world.
An example that resounds in my heart is the work that many non-Muslims are doing to defend innocent Muslims who have been wrongly swept up in the ‘war on terror’. As a Muslim it is easy, almost natural for me to want to defend the many innocent Muslims who have been wrongly targeted, imprisoned, tortured, and prosecuted. It can be depressing when you realize the vast scope of innocent Muslims who’s lives have been ruined.
It is easy for Muslims to become defensive and bitter. To embrace a mentality of us vs. them. Muslims vs. non-Muslims. I am here though, to remind all Muslims that this is a dangerous and ill advised road. Why? Because we are human beings living on this planet with other human beings. There will always be struggles. There will always be differences in beliefs and principles. We must take the high road. We must radiate the goodness that Islam brings to our lives. We must reach out to those we live amongst. Interact with them. Teach them through actions and goodness.
I am constantly reminded of the good people of all different beliefs who share a deep sense of justice and humanity. Who are working hard every day to defend Muslims. They are our allies. They stand up for us and defend us when no one else has the courage. They refuse to buy into the fear of ‘the other’ that so often seizes people, with devastating effects.
I work with people who don’t share my belief in Islam but who respect me and my faith. Who go out of their way to display that respect. Working together I feel sometimes as though we are helping make the world a better place, one by one. When someone genuinely respects you and your religion it makes you feel good, it makes you want to do the same back to them. Respecting and allowing for differences does not weaken our faith, it allows for learning and tolerance.
Men now know that they should not try to shake my hand, and they respect that. Through me and other Muslims, they learn about Islam. My presence in society does not allow the negative stereotypes surrounding Muslim women to prevail. They learn that the hijab does not equate with oppression. They learn that we Muslims are people too. That we do not believe in terrorism, that we get sick, we have brains, we love mochas and brownies. :)
All the while, I do not sacrifice my Islamic beliefs nor do I ask that they sacrifice their beliefs.
We should never judge someone, or think ill of someone solely based on their religion. Muslims, Jews, Christians, and others are working together to make this world better, to protect human rights. All it takes is one person to put into practice tolerance and mutual respect, in spite of our differences. Others see and learn from this profound experience and its rippling effects spread through the world, benefiting many.
All it takes is one person, determined to rise above the negativity. To find the strength to act upon their principles. To stand for what they believe in. To stand for truth. To stand for justice. To stand fearless with wisdom and integrity through a storm that threatens all who stand. Others will see and gain the strength to stand. This is the hope that I see in these dark times of suffering and hardship.
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 3:08 AM
1 comments
For about an hour, around noontime on Friday, a beautiful rhythmic recitation of the Qur’an flows through the mosque loudspeaker and echoes over the surrounding apartment buildings and narrow alleyways of a well off area in Damascus. A soothing reminder that today there is congregational prayer at the mosque. The streets are empty and businesses are closed. The sun’s rays stretch over and around the tall, historic, dingy buildings.
I had occupied a flat in the basement of such a building. Every so often the sun’s rays would grace my living room window with ten minutes of longed for natural light. My tiny overpriced flat came furnished, including an old stand up rotating fan that was jimmy-rigged in front of the kitchen window above the cook stove. With the flick of a switch, the fan would suck all the air out of the house while sucking fresh air from one of the many alleys of Damascus through my bedroom window. This constant air movement prevented mold from forming on the walls and high ceilings due to moisture generated from cooking and showers.
In my bedroom, curtain drawn, I stood in the 18 inch pathway between my bed and the crumbling plaster wall, hurriedly drying my hair with a towel. The chilly spring air whisked through my room. I suddenly realized the loudspeaker recitation had finished when a familiar yet unexpected song caught my attention. Squinting I turned my ear toward the window. ‘I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie woorrrrld. Laughing plastic, it’s fantastic…” What the heck, I thought?
Filled with curiosity, I just had to see where this was coming from. I opened the curtain just a sliver, and peeked across the deserted alley into a small family owned barbershop. A 16 year old Syrian kid, who was probably tending the shop for his father just in case someone wanted to get their hair cut, was singing along with an Arabic accent. This was the song I used to listen to as a 16 year old girl and he knew the words better than I did. I laughed as I watched him dancing to the music. I felt a little guilty as this kid, who thought no one was watching, danced totally uninhibited. Doubtless, he probably would have been mortified if he knew I was watching his every move. I kept watching. “Come on Barbie lets go Barbie, oh oh oh yeeeaah,” he continued raising the pitch of his voice with the songs feminine tone.
Shaking my head with a grin, I returned to drying my hair, pondering over the strangeness of the incident that was occurring outside my bedroom window. If Americans only knew, I thought. We think ‘the terrorists’ from the ‘Axis of Evil’ hate us and our way of life but here is this young kid, in Syria of all places, dancing in a barber shop to the tackiest of American songs and loving every minute of it. I felt fortunate that I just happened to be there to witness it from the window of my dungeon in Damascus.
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 7:51 AM
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"...Verily, he who fears God with obedience to Him and is patient, then surely, God makes not the reward of the good doers to be lost."
The Qur'an, Surah Yusuf (12:91)
SubhanAllah, this is a difficult thing to do, but the promise of Allah (God) is true. When things are tough and shaitan is doing everything he can to get you to do wrong, it takes a lot of strength and iman to fear Allah and obey Allah and be patient.
Too often, shaitan tricks us by making us think we can get out of our troubles by doing this or that..."Its ok"..."They are doing it." No! We must never obey shaitan and disobey Allah to get out of our troubles or to lessen our suffering. On the contrary, it is in times of hardship and suffering we must cling to Allah, and draw near to him through obedience and know that He is testing us, and know that He will give us a halal solution according to His plan and His wisdom and His timing, and until Allah proves that halal open door we should be patient and trust in Allah's wisdom and His plan for us.
It is very difficult sometimes. Shaitan makes us think, if I just do this things will be better. But if what we are contemplating doing is something Allah is not pleased with, how can it make things better? It is a deception of shaitan and we musn't fall for it.
But verily, Allah makes not the reward of the good doers to be lost. When we fear Allah - obey Allah - and are patient, Allah gives us many blessings in our life. Allah rewards us and gives us ease after hardship. The blessings and pleasure of Allah are far sweeter and long lasting than the temporary pleasure of giving in to shaitan. SubhanAllah.
It is a hard lesson to put into practice but an important one. Reflect.
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 4:16 PM
1 comments
Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
My dear sisters in the Netherlands, As Salaamu Alaikum,
I listen intently to news of your current situation for I know and understand how strenuous and difficult it can be to live in a non-Muslim country. You are my sisters in Islam and I pray and feel for your well being although we have never met. As your Muslim sister I feel compelled to communicate to you in the only way I can, from afar, as to the conflict that has arisen about your current struggle to wear niqab. Al hamdulillah, Allah has placed love in your heart for modesty. Al hamdulillah Allah has given you the ability and strength to stand up for what you believe.
I, as you, love my niqab, and treasure the true freedom and protection it brings to my life. We have chosen this form of dress in order to please Allah alone, and because of this choice it is easy for all people to distinguish us as Muslims. InshaAllah this choice will bring us rewards and blessings from Allah, but with it comes tremendous responsibility. As we are clearly associated with Islam, everything we do will be seen by those around us…we are quite literally ambassadors of our beautiful deen. We don’t even have to speak. Our actions, our behavior, will all undoubtedly be one of the major factors actively educating all people about who Muslims are and what Islam is.
With this in mind I view your situation from afar and I see, from the outside, something which perhaps you are unable to see from where you stand. I see a conflict which appears to be escalating unnecessarily. When living in a non-Muslim society we mustn’t allow ourselves to harbor the mentality of victims. Yes, we suffer many hardships and injustices but my message to you is this, for the sake of Allah, take those hardships and rather than letting the actions and abuses of others propel further conflict and division, use them to build trust, mutual respect, and well-being between you and the non-Muslims around you.
Ask Allah for the strength and wisdom that Muhammad (peace be upon him) displayed at Hudaybia. When Muhammad (peace be upon him) sat with the Meccans to write a treaty of peace, the scribe began to wrote the contract between Muhammad the Prophet of Allah and the Quraish. The negotiator sent to represent the Quraish insisted that he remove it as they did not believe he was the Prophet of Allah. Subhan Allah, our beloved Prophet’s wisdom was so great. He did not get offended, angry, or defensive and insist upon what he knew to be true. He understood the potential benefits behind making a compromise in an area that was not necessarily compulsory. He knew he was the Prophet of Allah, he didn’t need to insist, and insisting in this circumstance may have escalated and promoted more conflict.
My sisters, I know and understand what you are feeling. My suggestion for you is this: Let us for a moment try to completely put ourselves in the shoes of those who want you to remove your niqabs. According to my understanding, they are saying they want you to uncover you faces only, for the sake of improving security, and their society. Al hamdulillah, they are not asking you to take of your hijabs as we know that wearing hijab is obligatory for Muslim women. Most of us know that there are differing views amongst the scholars about whether or not niqab is obligatory. Of course, it is your decision but I would like to suggest that you, my sisters, consider both your surrounding environment as well as what turbulent times we are living in. In one of the most liberal environments in the world, a woman’s face will most likely not be thought of as sexual as there are some women there who expose themselves completely. In addition, we are living in a time when terrible things are being done in the name of Islam to innocent Muslims and non-Muslims all over the world. If we sincerely take some time to put ourselves in their shoes and try to understand their reasons for asking you to take off your niqabs, considering the country’s environment and their security fears, their concerns seem to be valid.
It is a time for wisdom, patience, and understanding. My sisters, in the end, it is of course your decision. But as your sister and fellow niqabi, I would suggest that, for the sake of Allah, you rise above this conflict and remove your niqabs. I know it is a difficult sacrifice. Allah knows what is in your hearts. Allah knows you are strong, free, capable women. Take this chance and publicly explain to the world that while Islam is a religion of obedience and submission to God it is also a religion of moderation and wisdom. Muslim women will always wear our hijabs, it is a duty to our Lord that we freely abide by and will not compromise, but we will take off our niqabs as a sincere and meaningful gesture of peace. We will pray to Allah that this gesture of understanding promotes trust, goodwill, and respect between us and our community. Stand up and as Muslims be ambassadors for Islam, peacemakers, bridge builders, and leaders. Be the ones with the strength of character to show your sincere goodwill toward those you live amongst, Muslim and non-Muslim alike.
May Allah guide us all to His straight path in these confusing and difficult times. May Allah help you and aid you my sisters.
As Salaamu Alaikum
Sakeena Marie
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 3:47 PM
19 comments
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 3:46 PM
1 comments
This Ramadan was truly wonderful. Al hamdulillah (All praise is for Allah). I am blessed to be so close to a very beautiful masjid, I feel my heart is drawn to it and the recitation of the imam. I always call it my mosque therapy. :) I am also greatful that I am in country with many Muslims.
Al hamdulillah. This post is a little different from my normal style, but I wanted to share a photo diary of my Eid celebration this year. Eid is a three day celebration marking the end of Ramadan and a month of fasting. While we Muslims usually feel sadness in our hearts that Ramadan is finished for yet another year, we look forward to the joy and festive atmosphere of Eid.
On the morning of Eid, early morning that is, just after sunrise, me and a few friends of mine (ladies of course) took a short ten minute walk to the Malik Faisal Masjid to attend Eid prayer. We were not alone. Hundreds if people poured onto the streets from their tall apartment buildings and headed toward the mosque...all of us repeated phrases filled with the remembrance of God.
Now, this day is truly special and I really look forward to it, not only because it is Eid but because there are so many people going to do their prayers that there is not enough parking. There are so many people going to do their prayers, they literally have to stop their cars in the middle of the street, and jump out to join the prayer. I just love it! It's like a scene from a Stephen King movie...only not scary. The concept that so early in the morning, thousands of people all come together to pray and thank Allah for the blessing He has given us all. So this year I came prepared and took some pictures of cars... :) (I couldn't help it)
This was taken in Sharjah, UAE at about 6 am on the morning of Eid.
We are getting closer to the mosque...SubhanAllah I just love how there are so many people. I am so blessed to be in this country.
This is right after the prayer finished...you can see only a fraction of how many people were there. Most of the people are still sitting in their places to listen to the khutba (lecture) after the prayer.
Walking away from the masjid I pass all the empty cars filling the street. Everyone just stopped and got out to pray...
Looking back at the masjid standing in the street. Even if you are in your car...you can't go anywhere yet!
After Eid prayer we went for coffee (of course, my favorite) and then went to have lunch with some sisters at the Islamic Center in Jumeira. We went to the beach a few mintues before sunset to enjoy the water, sand, starfish, and crabs...hehe. There are lots of different types of people at the beach...I am free to dress however I choose as is everyone else. Of course, I choose to cover pretty conservatively. :) But the tourists are enjoying life just as much as I am, hey wait..I'm still considered to be a tourist too :)
The sunset...(cant have beach pictures without a sunset)
SubhanAllah, this is a gorgeous picture of a masjid in Jumeira. After sunset I prayed my maghrib prayer here. Al hamdulillah...so beautiful...
Well, I hope you enjoyed it. I did! Al hamdulillah. Of course later I went home and ate pizza, and made cherry coke and shirley temples...what can I say...it was pretty yummy. Al hamdulillahir Rabil Alamin!
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 9:17 PM
4 comments
Many of us are becoming aware that our world is getting smaller in the sense that; one, we are all more aware of events happening all over the globe, and two, the behavior and actions of even an individual often impact us all. “What a small world” is beginning to take on a whole new meaning. Indeed, people and cultures are more aware of each other but oftentimes our awareness is flawed.
Being aware of others who are foreign or different than ourselves does not in itself mean that we have accurate perceptions or a true understanding of those people. In fact, the way we perceive others is usually tainted with misperceptions. Perceiving others inaccurately can be likened to unknowingly blowing air into a fire as our misperceptions of others usually enhance our problems and conflicts. When we make the effort to perceive others accurately, to understand them as they understand themselves, it is a substantial step toward improving global human relations and can serve to minimize our insecurities, fears, conflicts, even the likeliness of war.
To have a strong understanding of perceptual awareness it is important to discussfirst why we should care, then, what influences our perceptions of others, how those perceptions influence us, and finally how we can try to overcome our misperceptions in order to learn to understand and respect each other enabling us to be more effective in resolving the conflicts of our time so we can live together peacefully.
Do Our Misperceptions Have Anything to Do With Our Conflicts?
Why should we even care to put forth the effort needed to accurately understand and perceive others? Consider the following statements: Muslim women are oppressed, Americans are greedy, Muslims are terrorists, American women are easy. Think about how you would feel if one of these statements was applied to you. You might feel defensive, misunderstood, upset, or even angry. All of those statements are common stereotypes, or preconceived, inaccurate, and rigid beliefs about individuals or a group of people.[1] Stereotypes influence and distort our perceptions. The irony here is that we tend to get upset when others jump to conclusions about our behavior or misperceive us while we accept our own misperceptions of others as fact.
Misperceptions often create negative thoughts and emotions (e.g., hate, dislike, fear, anger, etc.). Negative thoughts and emotions in turn, often lead to negative beliefs and behaviors (e.g., arrogance, aggression, discrimination, etc.). Now, it is not too difficult to see that when we direct this negative behavior toward those we have misperceived (and we usually see ourselves as justified in doing so due to our negative emotions) it only serves to fuel our conflicts.
Trying to accurately understand others is not only important on a person to person level. Indeed, governments have avoided nuclear war in large part because they were able to accurately understand the other side. 1962 was the year of the Cuban Missile Crisis. The U.S. government and at the time President Kennedy believed that the Soviet Union had introduced nuclear missiles into Cuba, which they believed to be a threat to American citizens. The then Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara and Kennedy were seriously considering the use of nuclear weapons against Cuba. There was a real potential for all out nuclear war.[2]
The U.S. government had received a message from the leader of the Soviet Union at the time, Nikita Khrushchev, which read “If you guarantee you won’t invade Cuba we’ll take the missiles out.”[3] The U.S. perceived this as a good message. Several hours later another message from Khrushchev was received which read, “If you attack Cuba we are prepared to confront you with masses of military power.” This message was perceived as bad and seemed to contradict the good message that had been received only hours before.[4]
The U.S., unsure what to do, was facing the final moments before they would have to make a decision whether or not to go to war. What is interesting is that an advisor to Kennedy, Tommy Thompson, was a former U.S. Ambassador to Moscow and had actually lived with Khrushchev.[5] When Kennedy declared to his advisors that he no longer viewed negotiation as an option, Tommy Thompson disagreed.
Thompson urged the President to respond to the good message and let the Soviet Union take the missiles out of Cuba. What made Thompson think that war was still avoidable? How could he be so sure? Thompson understood Khrushchev and he took the time to empathize with the Russian leader, putting himself in Khrushchev’s skin in order to understand his motivations and where he was coming from. In doing that, Thompson realized that the most important thing for Khrushchev was to be able to say to his people that he had saved Cuba and stopped an invasion.[6]
Thompson was right. The point here is made by the then secretary of defense Robert McNamara when he said, “We must try to put ourselves inside their skin and look at us through their eyes just to understand the thoughts that lie behind their decisions and their actions.”[7] In this situation, both leaders involved demonstrated sincerity in their desire to avoid serious conflict and they were able to avoid a war in large part because someone made the effort to try to truly and accurately understand the other side.
If perceiving people accurately can help to avoid conflict and war, what can happen when we have misperceptions? A study published in October 2003 found that, “In the run-up to the war with Iraq and in the post war period, a significant portion of the American public has held a number of misperceptions that have played a key role in generating and maintaining approval for the decision to go to war.” [8] American misperceptions have played a key role in generating and maintaining approval to go to war. As comforting and easy as it may be for us Americans to say that there is nothing we can do or it is out of our hands, we the American public, have to hold ourselves somewhat responsible.
What Influences Our Perceptions of Others?
How we form perceptions is an interrelated process of which our environment, beliefs, values, thoughts, and behaviors all play an important role. To get a good understanding of what influences our perceptions let’s start with a little about how our environment shapes our beliefs and behaviors. From the youngest age we begin to observe and emulate the people around us, our parents, siblings, and teachers. As we get older we begin to pay more attention to people we view as important and influential such as friends, movie stars and others.[9]
It is part of human nature that we learn a great deal from and are shaped by and through observing others. What behaviors are acceptable, what is normal, what is right and wrong, what is beautiful, fashionable, and much more. We live in a world full of people, images, TV programs, and advertisements. Our perceptions are also influenced by our environment and what we have learned from being in our environment. For example, in interacting with others we subconsciously form first impressions of others based on physical appearance, behaviors, facial expressions, and much more. Our first impressions of others have a tremendous influence on how we perceive them. Negative first impressions though are usually much more difficult for people to overcome than positive first impressions.
First impressions come from more than just personal interactions. We can form first impressions of others based on written or verbal information as well as the news. The TV is a good example of how a lot of our inaccurate perceptions are formed. It is now known that the process of repeating an affirmation, or a simple positive statement, over long periods of time (e.g. several weeks) can modify or even create new beliefs and behaviors.[10] If repetition of a positive statement can change our beliefs, could the same be true of the repetition of images, advertisements, and news of which much is negative?
If you regularly watch the news and you repeatedly see images of violence and war in the Middle East you likely will begin to associate violence and war with the Middle East. If you continue to see these images frequently and for extended periods of time it is likely that you may begin to believe the Middle East is a dangerous place where bombs are going off and people are killing each other. This is in fact an inaccurate perception of the Middle East. While there is war and violence that occurs in the Middle East, the majority of people living there experience life as usual. Some places may even be more calm and safe than some American or western cities.
Other factors that influence and distort our perceptions of others are prejudices and stereotypes. Stereotypes were mentioned earlier as being preconceived, inaccurate, and rigid beliefs about individuals or a group of people. Stereotypes often determine our prejudices.[11] Having a prejudice is when we prejudge a person or group of people prior to having all known facts.[12]
If we stereotype or prejudge others it can make it easier for us to think and feel badly about them. Because our thoughts and beliefs effect and guide our behaviors, if we think for example of someone as being less than us or if we think a particular group of people hate us, it becomes more likely that our behaviors toward those people will be negative. While prejudice is a negative attitude toward members of a group, it can lead to discrimination which involves negative behavior or unfair treatment toward members of a group.[13]
Clearly our environment shapes our beliefs and behaviors which in turn effects how we see and feel about others. Now that we have a better idea about what influences our perceptions, let’s consider how our perceptions influence us.
How Our Perceptions Influence Us
To better understand how our perceptions influence us we need to first understand a little about our brains and how we respond to emotions. In general, we have three levels of brain function: our low brain whose main function is our survival (breathing, blood flow, etc.); our mid-brain whose main function is responding emotionally; and our high brain whose main function is thinking, making associations, memories, etc. When a person experiences intense emotions or emotional overload, for example intense anger, they become stuck in their mid-brain and it is physically impossible for them to access their high brain and rationally think about the situation.
When we experience different emotional states, our body undergoes physiological changes, of which we have no control.[14] These internal changes (e.g. an increase in adrenaline, or a decreased pulse rate, etc.) contribute to our emotions. Because people tend to express their emotions through behavior (crying, hitting, etc.) it is easy to see how strong negative emotions related to our misperceptions, stereotypes, and prejudices can not only effect us but they can disrupt our ability to relate positively with others.
It is very easy and common for people to misperceive each other. Let’s consider a situation where someone misperceives you and as a result behaves toward you in a negative way. You may respond using your high brain and try to help them understand you accurately or what is more common, you might respond using your mid-brain or responding emotionally by getting upset, withdrawing, or even returning the favor.
Now, let’s turn the situation around and consider what happens when we misperceive someone else and as a result direct negative behavior toward that person. If the person responds using their mid-brain and gets upset or returns the favor it may serve to reinforce or strengthen our misperceptions of that person. If the person withdraws our misperception is likely to continue. If the person tries to help you understand them more accurately it can be a good step toward perceptual awareness and living together peacefully.
We should remember that when we behave negatively toward others based on our misperceptions we are usually either effected by intense emotions and therefore at the time stuck in our mid-brain, or we see our behavior as justified and we don’t think we are doing anything wrong. The same is often true in the reverse situation when someone is behaving negatively toward you based on their misperceptions. They may be experiencing intense emotions and are stuck in their mid-brain or they may see their behavior as justified as a result of not perceiving things accurately. With this in mind it may now be easier to bear any negative behavior with patience and understanding in order to respond using our high brain and help the other to see us more accurately.
When negative behaviors based on misperceptions of others are common, it often promotes isolation, feelings of alienation, and victimization. The two sides or individuals withdraw from each other, isolating themselves. The only interaction with each other becomes negatively charged. Both sides can easily become stuck in their false and inaccurate perceptions of the other. The negative behaviors persist, strong emotions build up, and one or both sides begin to feel victimized and may even begin to view themselves as a discriminated minority. This cycle can lead to a whole host of societal problems.
How do we begin to fix this problem? How do we promote perceptual awareness and understanding?
Communication and Active Listening
Good communication is vital if we are to understand each other accurately. When we perceive others inaccurately communication can be difficult, especially if our misperceptions are negative. However, if we understand what effective communication involves and what some of its barriers might be then we are more likely to be successful in our attempts to accurately understand others. Effective communication can be a process that promotes trust and reassurance between individuals and between groups.
“Communication has been described as the process of conveying feelings, attitudes, facts, beliefs, and ideas between individuals, whether verbally or non-verbally in such a way that the message intended was received.”[15] Communication usually involves: a sender, or someone who is attempting to communicate something; a receiver who is on the receiving end of the communication; and the message.[16] There are many things that can interfere with the communication process, resulting in distortion of the message itself or the way the message is perceived. Distracting influences such as the TV, a headache, other problems or concerns, even being tired can all serve to prevent effective communication from taking place.[17]
In addition, it is important that the sender be clear, honest, and avoid emotional phrases that may set the receiver off. The sender communicates, not only with words but with facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact, posture, and much more. It is equally important for the receiver to actively listen to the sender. There is a big difference between hearing and listening. When someone actively listens they “see the expressed idea, attitude, or problem from the other person’s point of view, to sense how it feels to the sender, and to achieve the sender’s frame of reference in regard to the thing he or she is talking about.”[18]
When we actively listen to others the communication process really begins as it makes the sender feel understood and as a result they are encouraged to listen in return. Listening to people actively is a rare and valuable skill that can really help to promote and build trust and reassurance between individuals and groups. Just because we listen though, does not mean we understood the message as the sender intended it to be understood. When the receiver gives feedback to the sender repeating the message and how it was understood, then gains confirmation from the sender, this is when effective communication has taken place.
Where Does Understanding Our Misperceptions and Effective Communication Lead?
When we understand our negative misperceptions, where they come from, how they influence us and others, and how to work toward correcting them through communication and listening we can take steps to put this knowledge into action thereby promoting perceptual awareness and peaceful co-existence. Many people express the desire to live in a peaceful environment, where tolerance, and the mutual acceptance and respect of others allow for diversity and harmony to exist together.
It is important to note that tolerance and acceptance of others is not synonymous with compromising your own identity or beliefs. It is not even necessarily synonymous with the approval of others. It is possible to be different and to disagree with someone while still being tolerant and respectful toward them. When two sides try to understand the other, then equally respect their differences and allow for those differences, we have taken a concrete step toward civility, conflict resolution, and peace. We were not all meant to be exactly the same.
Of course, there are those who seek profit and personal gain by promoting fear, hatred, polarization, and intolerance. There will be times when we look at what is going on in the world and feel like perceiving others accurately won’t do any good. We mustn’t give up. Imagine the changes that could take place if individuals all over the world simply worked to better themselves and their immediate surroundings. It is in this realm that we can all do something meaningful. The benefits can be tremendous, not only for ourselves but for the whole of humanity.
Works Cited:
[1] Walker,Velma and Lynn Brokaw. Becoming Aware, A Text/Workbook for Human Relations and Personal Adjustment 9th Edition. Iowa: Kendall/Hunt Publishing Company, 2004. Page 23.
[2] The Fog of War, Eleven Lessons From the Life of Robert S. McNamara. Dir. Errol Morris. Perf. Robert S. McNamara. DVD. Sony Pictures Classics, 2003.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Ibid.
[5] Ibid.
[6] Ibid.
[7] Ibid.
[8] World Public Opinion.Org. “Misperceptions, The Media and The Iraq War”. October 2, 2003. Program on International Policy Attitudes (PIPA) and Knowledge Networks. 15 Aug 2006 [http://65.109.167.118/pipa/pdf/oct03/IraqMedia_Oct03_rpt.pdf]
[9] Walker,Velma and Lynn Brokaw. Becoming Aware, A Text/Workbook for Human Relations and Personal Adjustment 9th Edition. Iowa: Kendall/Hunt Publishing Company, 2004. Page 132.
[10] Why Affirmations Create New Behaviors. 1998. Performance Unlimited. August 2006 [http://www.performance-unlimited.com/whyaffir.htm]
[11] Walker,Velma and Lynn Brokaw. Becoming Aware, A Text/Workbook for Human Relations and Personal Adjustment 9th Edition. Iowa: Kendall/Hunt Publishing Company, 2004. Page 24.
[12] Ibid, 23.
[13] Ibid, 24.
[14] Ibid, 173.
[15] Ibid, 222.
[16] Ibid, 224-25.
[17] Ibid, 225.
[18] Ibid, 246.
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 12:33 AM
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How should we as Muslims respond to these times? There is no excuse or reason for Muslims to be involved in terrorism. Not only that, but we should be the ones who strive against those who believe terrorism is an acceptable or Islamic way of dealing with the problems in our world. We need to educate ourselves about Islam, and then make sure our brothers and sisters are educated as well. It is just not right for a Muslim to believe that killing and or blowing things up are legitimate, Islamic actions. They are not jihad because they do not follow the example of the Prophet (pbuh).
Just think about it this way: Muhammad (pbuh) never EVER plotted to blow up institutions of the Meccan government, nor did he target and kill the Meccan people because they supported and followed the Meccan government. Muhammad (pbuh) was a prophet, sent by Allah. Allah had given him knowledge and wisdom that others didn’t have, and Allah told us to follow his example. Muhammad (pbuh) described the formation of the embryo, he demonstrated an unprecedented knowledge in hygiene and medicine, things which are still being discovered or proven today. His way of life was complete and perfect.
If terrorism, or killing ourselves, blowing up institutions, and other innocent people was something Allah ordained, if it was a part of Islam then it would have been a part of Muhammad’s (pbuh) teachings, and it wasn’t. Allah knew exactly what we Muslims would be facing today. All the means we need to solve our problems can be found in the Qur’an and Sunnah.
I know, many Muslims watch the news and see the latest arrest of a group of terrorists or foiled terror plots and are skeptical. Rightly so, how do we know what is really going on? We don’t know any Muslims who would do such things. On the contrary, we may even know Muslims who have been falsely accused. As a result we have a tendency not to believe that these Muslims who just got arrested are guilty. We have a tendency not to believe what we see on the news anymore. Allah knows best. But even though we don’t know what to believe anymore, we still have a responsibility to know our religion.
We Muslims are not here to fix the world, or to correct all the wrongdoing committed by others. We are here to worship Allah, to live Islam, to know Islam. For if we don’t know it, how can we live it. There are things we need to strive to change and to fix. We should all work within our capabilities and unique situations to better firstly, ourselves, then we work on our family’s, then once we can manage that (which is no easy task), we can start to try to help and influence others. It’s all there in the Sunnah, have we forgotten?
If we really want to help, if we have reached that level of iman where we want to strive to better the world, then we must realize that there are constructive, peaceful ways of expressing ourselves, enjoining the good, and forbidding the wrong. Something almost all of us can do is to firstly, regularly study the Qur’an and Sunnah, secondly strive within our communities to promote patience and understanding. The world is a small place, people of all different cultures and beliefs are living together side by side. If we want to be able to solve the problems of our day, we must be able to understand those we are living with and we should encourage them and help them to understand us. Why do they do the things they do? What do they believe? It is crucial that we bridge this huge gap. Trying to understand ‘the other side’ does not undermine or weaken our faith, it can only help. When we understand and respect each other then we can move forward and try to find constructive ways of solving our problems.
As Muslims we not only have to understand Islam, but we have to at least have a basic understanding of politics, the sciences, health and hygiene, economics, etc. The more we know the better. If we are among those who don’t know what to believe, who is right and who is wrong, then let us err on the side of peace, choose the lesser of two evils, and educate ourselves about Muhammad and the teachings in the Qur’an.
posted by Sakeena Marie @ 4:03 PM
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